Suffering in Silence
by ALittleBitOod
Summary: Episode Tag to Day on the Moon.   Amy wanders away from The Doctor and finds herself in a painful struggle with a secret admirer that shakes the foundation of her relationships with the two most important men in her life.


_This scene is tagged to the episode Day of the Moon. It's supposed to be some time after the Doctor injected Rory, Amy, and Canton's hands with the nano-recorders (and thankfully shaved. Skeevy beards are skeevy on everyone) and before Canton and Amy leave to investigate the orphanage. Basically the idea is that Amy wandered off and is starting to get paranoid (with good reason) about the Silence._

**Pairing: Amy/Rory and Amy/Doctor friendship**

_Warnings: Very minimal language, and Rory/Amy (sorry all you Doctor/Amy people), but the slash is very light and can be ignored if desired._

_Disclaimer: Sometimes I had a dream that I meet Stephen Moffat and he laughed at me, shot me with a laser, then walked back into the lake… does that count? No? Fair enough._

Ginger hair was tossed wildly as she spun, covering wide hazel eyes that saw things that were meant to be forgotten. Terror made her breath sporadic as she frantically searched for evidence of _their_ presence. She sensed something watching her. She knew they were getting closer, she could feel it. The Doctor told her that the recorder in her hand would warn her of any danger that presented itself, he told her that a blinking red light would signal it. Despite herself, she could not muster the courage to look down at her hand. She didn't want to know, afraid of what she would hear. Part of her wanted to remain as ignorant as the humans who knew nothing of the lone Time Lord who watched over them, blissfully unburdened by centuries of darkness and despair. Her eyes raked the brightly lit room; made darker in her eyes by the secrets it held in its corners. She didn't know how she knew they were there, that they were watching her, but something was in the room with her. She could not help but think that the Doctor, preoccupied with his own cleverness, had abandoned her again. Her blind faith in him prevented her from becoming angry, which allowed fear to consumer her. She became irrational, sounds echoing in her mind, stolen glimpses out of the corner of her eye. Something was flashing to her right.

Emotions were emitted that were oh so very strong. Swarming, unbearable feelings that consumed the looming figure. She could not see It's piercing eyes running over her. A longing that burdened It's being. These feelings were sin, weakness that needed to be eradicated from this universe, yet It could not deny that they were there. The Silence did not have individuals. There were The Silence, a united force that watched over the ignorant, the weak, the ones who couldn't see for themselves. Yet here was This One, whose eyes seemed to see what could not be seen. Her life force seemed to melt with It's, striking one harmonious cord that filled the universe with glorious music. The closest It had ever come tofeeling something as unprogressive as love. It became her shadow, never letting her fiery crimson locks be extinguished from It's sight. Each time her eyes searched madly for It, It felt something pull It further from The Silence, the unity, the anonymous oblivion that It had known. It struggled to understand these emotions that were so alien, clouded by the same senselessness that plagued so many lesser species for eternities.

Amelia Pond, the girl with the name from a fairy tale, felt her "happily ever after" begin to dim. Not just because of the helplessness of the situation, something was stirring in her mind. There was something wrong with her, but she couldn't figure out what. Instead she tried not to let her control completely slip away when she felt rage suddenly pour into her veins. First, it was directed towards the wall, which endured her fists banging against the cool surface as a noise emanated from deep within her. A cry echoed that carried with it the weight of one who has seen too much. When her throat was raw and sound gave way to a silent scream, her rage found a new victim. This time, it flew to her raggedy Doctor. The man who hid the haunting memories of almost a thousand years of blood, pain, and sadness with jokes and bow-ties. The one who could somehow be an age-weathered being with eons of knowledge, and the man with custard on his lip, smiling like a five-year-old with a mouth full of candy. Amy could feel her fingernails dig into her palms as her fingers curled into a tighter fist. She could see the lonely girl sitting on the suitcase, looking pleadingly up at the stars, wishing on each one she saw that the mysterious mad man with the blue box would come back to her, just as he promised. Wishing that he wouldn't become another adult telling halfhearted lies that didn't try to soften the relentless rejection that followed her wherever she went; that seemed intent on leaving her with a carved out notion of a heart. She felt a flood of emotion towards the man that completely changed her life, but instead of the usual adoration that had always accompanied images of the bow-tied alien, there was a bitterness that burned at the tip of her tongue. The cluttered state her mind was in cleared, all she was the proverbial red that colored her vision. Her breath hitched again, but this time out of fury. It was _his_ fault that she wasn't at home, safe, innocent, and away from this universe that seemed to have it out for her. Part of her knew that she wouldn't be innocent regardless of The Doctor's involvement That she would be a kiss-o-gram girl; a piece of ass that was a street corner and a drug addiction shy of being a social pariah, but any semblance of logic that remained in her war-torn mind was drowned out by the ringing in her ears. It was the only point in her life where she could honestly say she _hated_ The Doctor.

It was starting to draw closer to her. That One. It could feel the love she felt, which tore at It even more. It could also feel the hurt that those ones who received her love inflicted upon her, that they could not possibly deserve that love, and that was enough for It to want to…tinker… if only for a while.

Amy put her hands to her temples and doubled over, forcing air out of her chest, but no sound would come. What was wrong with her? She loved The Doctor, not the same way she loved her husband, but it was love. The Doctor showed her the universe; showed her things that were beyond even the imagination of the young Amelia Pond sitting on her suitcase looking up at the starry night. No matter what trouble he got her into, no matter how many promises he had to break, she just could not hate hm. Her breathing began to even out as she focused her thoughts on his face, his goofy smile, his fascination with fezzes. The image of River blasting that damn fez into oblivion made the corners of her mouth turn up, her eyes lighter than before.

It saw the dark lift from her eyes. It could see she healed herself, fought through It's influence and found her own light, her own way to see. It knew this game could not last much longer, but for right now all It knew was that That one made it _feel._ It felt content if this lasted for only a moment more.

Amy began to search for a way out, hoping whatever was toying with her emotions had lost interest. Her hopes were almost immediately dashed as another tsunami of rage washed over her, making her call out to nothing, pleading the empty corners of the room to _stop_. Another wave crashed through her, sweat broke on her forehead and a shiver ran down her spine; a physical manifestation of the mental turmoil she was enduring. Proof that _something_ real was happening. She bent over again, clutching her head, as if applying pressure would stop the hemorrhaging of hate that she was feeling. Like a serpent crawling through her skin, that hate maneuvered it's way passed any reasoning and latched it's fangs into the image of her stupid-face husband. Oh Rory. Plain, boring Rory. Second place Rory. The "sensible" choice. The one who she pretended was her Raggedy Doctor when they were children. The one who made sure Mel's influence didn't spill into her schoolwork, who covered for her when they would skip school for frozen treats and adventures. The one who made her grow up. She could picture him now, his eyes attempting to take in the absolute creation that surrounded him. He shouldn't be there. He was a liability, a hassle. He kept her and The Doctor from having fun. He was incapable of comprehending the magnificence that was around him, he settled on realism. Things that made _sense._ The face of complete awe that he would always make when the doors of the TARDIS would open, the face that she once described as cute, now made her stomach churn in disgust. He was just so… small. His mind, his presence, he couldn't fill the universe with imagination. Not like she could. Not like the Doctor could. He was the weight that kept her attached to the Earth with his interjections of "when do you want to go home?" or "wouldn't Earth be nice to visit? Just for a day?" All of time and space at their disposal and all his feeble little mind could dig up was to 'check in' on that dismal planet, the one with rejection, pain, loneliness. Couldn't he see he wasn't good enough to be there? That he was an outsider? That she was never going back?

_Never go back._

"ENOUGH."

The syllables echoed throughout the room. Amy panted again, but was content that her mind was hers once again. She knew that no matter how much control something or someone had over her mind, they would never be able to convince her to abandon anyone. Amelia Pond, The Girl Who Waited, the one who knew the sting of rejection, would _always _go back. It was a promise.

It felt the shockwaves of her outpouring reverberating through It. Harm was not intended, It only wanted to make That One see It, if only to forget again. It knew that it was time to let That One go, free of any memory of the Bad Stuff It had put into her mind. Once again, It drew nearer to That One.

Rory Williams was tired. This whole mess was getting more and more out of hand. Traveling through an alien in an electric blue police box was starting to take a toll on his nerves, and assuming he and Amy got out of it alive (which, at this point, was playing _against_ the odds) he was going to give her a piece of his mind. In fact, maybe he would not even save it for the TARDIS, maybe he would take charge of his present. This whole space travel thing was beyond him, he's just her doting husband who would follow her to the ends of the universe and back. He calls out for his wife again, frustration evident in his tone. He resolved that the moment he saw her he wouldn't fall for those big beautiful eyes that said so much and so little about their owner at the same time. He wouldn't get lost staring at her face, looking at her lips that would often pout if he was saying anything other than "absolutely Amy, let's go!" He would be firm, strong, masculine, He would –

That thought was never finished as the lips he had sworn would not distract him were most definitely distracting him, as they were now pressed tightly onto his. In that kiss, Rory felt every bit of spine that had materialized during his pep talk had melted down into his shoes, along with the bones in his legs, which had a jelly-like consistency now. Rory was certain that the only thing holding him up was Amy's hands which were clutching his face, positioning him so that the melted together into one being.

"Oi, Rory! Did you find – oh, sorry! Sorry! I'll um… just give you… I mean it's not exactly good timing for this sort of– " Another thought that would never be completed, this time due to a crushing hug that cut off the Time Lord's ability to vocalize anything above an embarrassingly high-pitched squeak.

Rory, still dazed by the seemingly unprovoked kiss, blinked hard to ensure that he was in fact looking at the _real_ Amy, who would sooner punch him in the arm and call his face stupid than kiss him, let alone as passionately as that one that could hold up an entire person.

"Erm… Amy, are you alright?"

"Huh? Of course silly! Why wouldn't I be?" Her voice, while still definitely Amy, had a sort of bubbly quality to it, if voices could be compared to bubbles, Rory's mind was having a hard time being in the present.

"Rory's right, you're acting a bit… off."

"And that's coming from The Doctor."

"Hey! I find that rather offensive." Amy smiled at their banter, the way the Doctor's light eyebrows furrowed, making it look almost as if he didn't have any as he scolded in a serious sweetness. The way Rory's eyes seemed to laugh as he teased The Doctor, something he had only recently been comfortable enough to do. Her heart felt heavy, not with any of the usual reasons one would describe heaviness. It wasn't a dragging sort of heaviness; it was the heaviness one would feel after eating a lot of food after being hungry for days. Satisfied. Comfortable. Full. That's it, her heart was full. She had never felt so much love in all of her life. The memory of her hollowed out heart had vanished with the sight of her two boys, glaring at each other like grade school children on the playground.

"I love you." She said, her cheeks starting to hurt from the ridiculously big grin that stretched across her face.

"I know you do."

"How do you know she was talking to you? She's _my_ wife."

"I was the last person talking; grammar tells me that the pronoun she is currently using refers to _me._"

"I love _both_ of you, my big stupid men."

"Now _that_ sounds like Amy. Seriously though, what's gotten into you? Are you hurt? Did something happen?" Rory, always so concerned. His nursing instincts compelling him to always look for the practical, making sure he always had a handle on his environment so he could protect the people around him. His heart was so big, so wonderful. Amy couldn't help but laugh when people told him he was lucky. _She_ was the lucky one to have a husband whose heart was greater than the entire galaxy, something she could personally attest to.

"I don't know, really. I was in there," Amy nodded to the room where she had emerged from, "and I just… realized how much I _love _you both. Everything really."

"Amy…" The Doctor stepped closer to her, his eyebrows again creating a crease that was somewhere between sternness and child-like petulance. What an incredible being that stood before her. If this is how heavy her heart felt full, she could only imagine the weight of those two hearts he carried in his chest. The Doctor had lived through so much pain, so many lives had been in his hands, so many choices that he made. The idea that one entity had made so many decisions that dictated the well being of so many made Amy wonder if the God that everyone back on Earth was just one of the Doctor's many incarnations rubbing elbows with the locals before hopping back in his box for even more grand adventures.

"I'm absolutely fine, Doctor. In fact, I can honestly say I have never felt better."

It watched That One smile brightly as she grabbed her loved ones and walked down the hallway. It saw the bright hair get dimmer as distance was added to the already insurmountable obstacles that held It's feelings hostage. Even though It knew That One was gone forever, the love filled up her empty heart was because of It, and that was close enough to falling in love.

_AN: Ok, first of all let me apologize. It's my first fanfiction ever and I know it's probably terrible. I just wanted to give it a try and this is what came out! Second, I know that it doesn't quite fit into the episode completely, and there are a bunch of holes in it. It's more of a character study than anything else. I took a different spin on the Silence where they could influence emotions and actions. I dunno, I just liked the idea that because it's a religion, not necessarily a species that there was one out there that was questioning it's faith in the unit. It seemed interesting to me, I'm not sure if anyone else will. Please don't flame me too much for that, I'm not claiming that this is any sort of reality or canon to the show, I just thought it would be entertaining. Also, at the very beginning I collaborated with a friend, but I ended up finishing it. If there's any continuity issues from the beginning, it's probably because of that. Lastly, if you are reading this it means you probably finished the fic (unless you're one of those "I'll-just-see-how-it-ends-then-decide-if-I-want-to-read-it" people. No judgments here.) and if that is the case THANK YOU so much for reading! I would absolutely love a review. I sound really spineless, sorry about that! Sorry about apologizing so much! AH! It's an endless cycle. Oh well, hope you aren't offended by any of it. I tried to throw in references to other episodes as well as some play on words, if you spot those… well good on ya!_


End file.
